Over the next few days, we fell into a typical prison routine. We talked to each other, I counted the cracks on the ceiling (there were zero, though, so that wasn’t a good time-killing method. The EIS are very good at maintaining the prison’s walls and ceilings.), I hungered for food, I drank the foul water we were given, and I finally was able to sleep on the prison floor. Anyplace would be better than this.
A prison would have to have a way out, and this prison could not be an exception. I was sick of staying in my dank cell all day, plus I was literally getting sick. I suspected that this sickness must have had something to do with the water we had to drink. “Hey, Howard,” I said softly to Howard, who had sprawled on the prison floor, “do you know of any other exits for this prison.”
“I only know of the main exit through the elevator.” He looked at me, suspiciously. “Why?”
“Eh, it’s nothing. I was just curious.”
Howard looked sadly at me. “The only reason you’d be curious about something like that is because you want to escape, right? Well, it just can’t be done. Believe me, I’ve tried so many times.”
I sighed. “We have to get out of here somehow.”
“There’s always a way!” exclaimed Megan loudly enough to be heard over the groans and moans of the dying prisoners and the chatter of the other prisoners. That caught the attention of the guard patrolling the area. “Yeah, you’re right,” I said, trying to cover for her. “There’s always a way to try and die to get away from this place…” The guard grunted and nodded and kept on patrolling. “Sorry,” whispered Megan. “I got excited.”
“It’s all right,” I whispered back.
“I really don’t see why we’re even talking about a means of escape,” grumbled Howard. “What part of There is no way out don’t you people understand!”
“A way out? That would be nice,” whispered Adhit.
“I’m sure we can think of something!” grinned Gabi.
“If we can get the crap out of this place, I’ll be glad,” said Jennifer. “At least I’d have more things to kill…and I could get my chainsaw. I miss my chainsaw. I bet it’s not even bloodstained anymore.” We looked at her. “I just like my chainsaw! Now go on with your blabbering,” growled Jennifer.
“You people just don’t listen, do you? There. Is. No. Way. Out,” whispered Howard, loudly.
“Don’t be so depressing, Howie-boy!” said Gabi. “There’s always a way, as Megan said. Now, we just have to think of something!”
“Apparently, I’m useless now,” sighed Howard. “I’ll just go lie down somewhere so that I’m out of your way.”
“No, Howie! We need your experience of the prison to help us!” said Megan. “None of us knows the prison as well as you do!”
“Well, I’ll stick around then. It’s not like I can go anywhere,” said Howard. “And don’t call me ‘Howie.’ Or ‘Howie-boy,’ for that matter.” He glared at Gabi and Megan.
“Awww,” said Gabi.
“So, how do we do this?” I asked.
“Someone would have to distract him somehow,” said Howard, pointing at the guard.
“Does he… like… shiny things?” asked Gabi.
“Don’t be ridiculous,” said Howard. “He’s a grown man… he wouldn’t care about—“
“Heeeere, guardy, guardy, guardy, guardy!” said Gabi, waving one of her silver meal dishes. The guard took one look at the shiny silver plate and ran over to her cell. “Do you want the shiny pwate? Do you? Oh, yes you do, YES YOU DO!” crooned Gabi. The guard nodded excitedly. How high was the I.Q.s of the prison guards? “Buuut… I can’t give it for free…” The guard’s face fell, and he pouted. “Maybe… I could give it to you for those keys you’ve got!” Gabi said, grinning. The guard growled, “I’m not stupid!” Really? I wouldn’t have been able to guess. “I know you just want the keys because they’re shinier!” I resisted the urge to laugh. Gabi hesitated. “Um… well, I, uh, need some kind of price… um…”
“You need to answer a question!” said Adi. “What’s two plus two?”
“That’s easy!” roared the guard. “It’s twenty-two!”
“Hmmm…WRONG. Try again.”
“Uh… two-y two?”
“Two hundred twenty two!”
“Is this a trick question? It is a trick question! But you can’t fool me! You think you’re so smart, don’t you, with your numbers and callouscuss… calcous… oo-us…”
“Yeah, that. So the answer is… a window!”
“Uh… then it’s…”
“Quick!” whispered Adi, as the guard told his next incorrect answer. “Someone grab the keys while he’s failing to correctly answer my question!” I grabbed the keys from the guard’s belt and handed them to Howard. “It’s done, Adi, now give him the plate,” I whispered. The guard gave another incorrect answer. Adi shook his head, “No, Mr. Guard. Here, let me help you.” Adhit took the guard’s hand and put all but the index and middle finger down. “That’s two and…” He did the same to the other hand. “That’s two. So how many fingers are up?” Howard tried the different keys, and, about five keys later, he unlocked our cell door. “Uh… one, five, one hundred, twenty-two!” said the guard triumphantly. “Now can I have the shiny plate?”
“No, that’s wrong!” Adhit sighed. “Do you know how to count, Mr. Guard?”
“Uh… y-yeah… of course I do! What am I, stupid?”
Howard and I scrambled out of our cage. The tenth key I tried unlocked Megan’s and Jennifer’s cell, and those two ran out, too. “I’ll knock that stupid guard out!” growled Jennifer, and she did just that before anyone could stop her. Megan took the keys and unlocked Adhit’s and Gabi’s cell with the first key she tried. As we ran into the elevator, I asked, “So what’s the plan?”
“Uh…” said Adhit.
“We just… wing it?” asked Gabi.
“We wing it? You’re insane!” I said.
“Yeah, what if the other guards see us?” asked Howard.
“I’ll knock them out. Or make my zombie slaves do it. Whichever,” said Jennifer.
“Somebody should dress as a guard,” said Megan suddenly, as she stopped. “Maybe I’ll do it…?”
“NO!” said Adhit. “Uh, I mean, why strain yourself? I’ll do it!”
“Oh, right. I’d have to lie, and… I can’t do that…” Megan stared between her shoes. “It’s okay, Megan! Maybe you could create something… with your powers…” said Gabi.
“Make me a chainsaw!” suggested Jennifer. This may not have been as much a suggestion as it was a command.
“Uh, okay… what are chainsaws made of again? Oh, right!” said Megan. And in a few seconds, a chainsaw appeared.
Because Megan has the Chosen Mortal Name of the Goddess of Intelligence and Construction, she can create anything as long as she knows what it’s made of. She can then make those “ingredients” appear and make them form whatever she wants them to form.
Megan handed the chainsaw to Jennifer, who then turned it on to check if it worked. Adhit finished donning the guard’s clothes, which were rather loose on him. “Turn off that chainsaw and hide it,” said Adhit to Jennifer. “You guys are going to have to pretend to be prisoners and I’m going to be your ‘escort.’”
“I really don’t think this will work…” cautioned Howard.
“Oh, relax! What could go wrong?” asked Adhit.
He shouldn’t have said that.
Right after we reached the bottom floor, a guard came over to us asked Adhit what he was doing. “Uh, I’m just escorting these prisoners,” said Adhit.
“To where?” asked the guard, looking at him suspiciously.
“To the… other prison… in Eiatras,” said Adhit.“There is no other prison, and even if there was, why would it be in Eiatras? SEIZE THEM!” screeched the guard. Other guards came from nowhere (or, more likely, around the first floor) and attempted to seize us. I kicked a guard in the face before he could touch me. Megan jumped out of another guard’s grasp. Jennifer hacked some heads off with her chainsaw, resulting in a bloody mess on the concrete. I quickly dodged another guard and clobbered him until he fell over. And then, we fled. We ran and ran, and never dared look back.